Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
