Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
