I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies don't puke and tell
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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