they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
