Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
