Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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