So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
