I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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