Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
