you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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