You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
