Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
