Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
