That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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