just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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