proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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