Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
