i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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