I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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