i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
