It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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