There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
