that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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