Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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