I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I died a long time ago.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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