I don't usually arrange sex via text message
only you would photoshop your dick
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
