ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
