so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
