After last night, I could never be a politician.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So vagazzling was a success
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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