We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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