i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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