I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
