Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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