I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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