I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
