Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
