the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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