Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
