dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I did not marry a roomba.
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