we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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