Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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