you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
