Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
