I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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