??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
