he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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