My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What drink are we having for lunch?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
