you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
