i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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