If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
