At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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