Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
