WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
