i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
zippers are such a cool invention
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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