Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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