yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
