Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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