why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
