I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
