i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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