I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
