your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
